And even this...

I wish I found you as interesting as you found yourself

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 18:50:11 -0800

Jenni always had a thing for nightclubs, but being the impatient...

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:42:00 -0800

Jenni always had a thing for nightclubs, but being the impatient & easily annoyed type never wanted to wait on the lines. It was the long lines, cold winters, and fake club promoters who think they own NY that got Jenni to realize that she wasn’t going to be like everyone else who had to wait or pay to get into clubs in the tri state area. After conquering the club scene on long island and much of Manhattans outlaying boroughs she realized she wanted to reach out to the rest of the country by telling her story through MTV’s newest reality show “Jersey Shore”.

"you live in a very expensive city and spend your day in a coffee shop. this is ideal."

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:24:00 -0800

“you live in a very expensive city and spend your day in a coffee shop. this is ideal.”

- SJ

It’s not the picnic it seems to be. Somedays it’s a bookstore, though.

(via terrormarie)

my wife is very inspirational

It's been over a year

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:01:42 -0800

whyimsingle:

I’m never going to stop missing him, am I?

Guilty pleasure. Pescatarian tomorrow.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:12:25 -0800

Guilty pleasure. Pescatarian tomorrow.

Fact: it does rain in SoCal Bonus fact: There are roads in this...

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:01:00 -0800

Fact: it does rain in SoCal

Bonus fact: There are roads in this town that actually look like this. They are not in Hollywood.

(via mykicks)

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 13:44:32 -0800

(via mykicks)

Remember that time 5 minutes ago when I was in a bad mood? THAT...

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:46:43 -0800

Remember that time ~~5 minutes ago~~ when I was in a bad mood?

THAT WAS THE PAST.

Try being a bad mood after this. Try.

"How bitterly glad I am to see you. You bring joy and pain in equal measure. Joy because you are with..."

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:19:46 -0800

““How bitterly glad I am to see you. You bring joy and pain in equal measure. Joy because you are with me, but pain because it won’t be for long. What do you know about the sea? Nothing. What do I know about the sea? Nothing. Without a driver this bus is lost. Our lives are over. Come aboard if your destination is oblivion— It should be our next stop. We can sit together. You can have the window seat, if you want. But it’s a sad view. Oh enough of this dissembling. Let me say plainly: I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

- Yann Martel, Life of Pi (via quotewhore)

So...there's that

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:07:54 -0800

Biopsy results came back. 4 months of chemo and surgery
My therapist thinks I should look into Al-Anon/Adult Children of Alcoholics
The boy I like not liking me reminds me of how much I miss The Boy
This

Things I don't feel like doing right now

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:56:00 -0800

Paying someone to talk about my inability to make and follow through on ~~good~~ bad decisions
Driving to pay someone to talk about my inability to make and follow through on ~~good~~ bad decisions
Finding parking once I get there to pay someone to talk about my inability to make and follow through on ~~good~~ bad decisions
Sunday edition of the NY Times Crossword puzzle
Pretty much anything that involves not being asleep

"Impossibly attractive people don’t deserve true love. Fuck that. They’ve gotten enough breaks in..."

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:21:49 -0800

“Impossibly attractive people don’t deserve true love. Fuck that. They’ve gotten enough breaks in life.”

- My sister (via sade)

"I want so badly to believe that “there is truth, that love is real” And I want life in..."

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:16:48 -0800

“I want so badly to believe that “there is truth, that love is real”
And I want life in every word to the extent that it’s absurd”

- “Clark Gable”—Postal Service

"She just doesn’t want to feel like a trashbag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me..."

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:46:35 -0800

“She just doesn’t want to feel like a trashbag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue.”

- Jersey Shore Recap: Tongue-Kissing Catchphrase Countdown — Vulture

YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: HANUKKAH ON THE JERSEY SHORE

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:22:29 -0800

via Videogum

Gabe loves fan fiction. You Can Make It Up features his own personal alternate adventures starring some of our favorite characters.

All of the guidos and guidettes gathered around the menorah. Well, no. All of the guidos and guidettes were upstairs in the bathroom, blowing out their hair, or tanning in the tanning beds that they owned. They weren’t just going to fuckin’, like, gather around some fuckin’ candleabraah until they looked good, son! Jwoww picked out the perfect Hanukkah g-string to wear under her Hanukkah cut-offs. “Let’s go, you sluts!” she yelled at the other guidettes. “Fuck you, you whore!” Angelina yelled back. Snacko didn’t yell anything, she was puking her guts out.

“Where’s Ronnie?” The Situation asked.

“He’s doin’ sick Reps, bro,” Pauly said. “He drank like 10 Diet Red Bulls.”

“Well is there any Diet Red Bulls left?” The Situation asked.

“Why don’t we get off of Diet Red Bulls because I just did your mom from behind.”

They high-fived. Ronnie came in, shirtless. Because Ronnie doesn’t own any shirts. He gave everyone a high five.

“I don’t know why we have to be late to Hanukkah just because Snockle had too much to drink,” Sammi pouted.

“If you have something to say to me, why don’t you say it to my face?” Snickar shouted from the bathroom.

“Because I don’t want to get your puke breath on me, in my mouth. I’m a elegant lady, OK? You need to respect that!”

There were some puke sounds from the bathroom, and then a hairdryer. The hairdryer sound continued for two and a half hours. Finally, Soc2kfasl came down the stairs in her underwear and fuck me heels. There was a little bit of puke on all of it.

“Hanukkah!” she squealed. “I hope I get a babbbbbby! Every princess should have her own babyyyyyyyyy!”

The guidos and guidettes were almost ready to gather around the menorah. But first, they went out partying. They hit up one of the tightest clubs on the whole shore. It was called Pantomimes. Jwoww began to freak a potted plant. “Come home with me,” she purred into the potted plant’s leaf. “Show me your dick!” She slapped the potted plant. The Situation did body shots off his own stomach, because no one else’s stomach was hot enough. He leaned in drunkenly on Ronnie’s shoulder. “No homo, but do you ever wish you could just fuck yourself?” Ronnie was like, he was like, Ronnie was like, “Dude, if I could fuck myself we wouldn’t even be having this colliloquy right now.” They both high fived a bunch.

Back at the house, the guidos and guidettes fucked a ton of strangers in the hot tub on the roof until someone kicked someone else out, I don’t know, you know how it is. JERSEY SHORE IS THE DREAM BABY. The guys was like “don’t cockblock,” and the girls was like “don’t bring that shore trash into my home,” and the guys was like “at least some girls around here no how to have fun,” and the girls was all for real like just straight up “I will scratch you in the eyes.”

Finally, everyone gathered around the menorah to celebrate a real Jersey ShoreHannukah. They stared at the menorah for a couple of minutes. “Now what?” Sammi asked.

“Oh, you know what?” Vinnie, the most normal and relatable of them, said, “I think it’s supposed to have candles or some shit in it.”

Everyone just stared at the menorah.

“My ma told me that you is supposed to eat pancakes made out of potatoes. Can you imagine that?! You’re like oh snap, pancakes, and then you, fuckin’, like, bite it and you’re like OH SHIIIIIIIIT. Jews are crazy. You know the Holocaust is a myth?” Ronnie said. Or maybe Pauly.

“What’s the Holocause?” Jwwow asked.

Everyone got bored with talking about what stuff was, and they all agreed that potato pancakes was weird and gross. So they went out to the Windmill and got some chili cheese fries instead.

“Yo, I am vibing on these chili cheese fries right now, son,” The Situation said. “No homo, but I love Hanukkah.”

It was time to exchange gifts! Most people got bottles of hair gel, or tanning oil, or sleeveless t-shirts with funny slogans on them, like “I’m With Wanting To Have Anal Sex With You” (arrow pointing to dick). Jwwwwwowww opened up her present. It was a small glass bottle. “What’s this?” Jwwowwwwwwwwwwwww asked.

“It’s a bottle of prescription medicinal shampoo,” Sammi said. “For your bush.”

“You guys should totally kiss right now,” Ronnie said. “I’ll give you 35 SkeeBall tickets if you kiss.”

But they didn’t hear him, because they were too busy kissing. Scratchers pouted in the corner. Whenever two people started kissing it made her eyes sad because that meant they weren’t thinking about kissing her, probably. Pauly started reading a Chinese take-out menu out loud. “What are you doing?” Angelina asked him.

“I’m reading the story of Hanukkah.”

“It’s beatiful,” she said. Pauly shrugged.

The festive celebration ended with a game of strip dreidel. It was a very short game. Everybody won.

The end.

A man and his dog

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:09:07 -0800

mercurypdx:

poisonville:

About two weeks ago the father-in-law of an old friend of mine went for a hike somewhere in the mountains out west and didn’t come back that night. Temperatures fell into the 20s, and he was wearing just a windbreaker. Search teams looked for him for five days, but snow had begun to fall, so it was difficult going

On the sixth day, just as the authorities had begun to search with cadaver dogs, two ranchers looking for a lost cow found him curled up in a field, 20 miles from the trail. He was, my friend wrote, “in the process of dying.” In the week since, they’ve been warming him up and bringing him back. He just woke up yesterday. It looks like he’ll be okay.

When the ranchers found him, his dog was lying on top of him, trying to keep him warm. Without his dog, it’s a good bet he never would have made it through that week, psychologically or physically, my friend said.

See? A cat wouldn’t do that.

whyimsingle: Surprise, Surprise (Live 1/25/2005)—Annie...

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 02:26:52 -0800

whyimsingle:

Surprise, Surprise (Live 1/25/2005)—Annie Bethancourt

Another boy, same story
She’s the gorgeous girl and I’m the clumsy friend at her side
The one who read a book and cried
When the characters passed away

I looked at you but now the questions will come
“Hey she’s kinda cute. Yeah, is she single or what?”
And sometimes I feel like the comic relief for her perfect teeth

I wait for words that never come
Slow growing grey but foreshadows the sun
So she looks so bright to you
Like the moon and stars and light
Ba da ba ba ba
Well surprise, surprise

You said, “Don’t get insulted.
It’s nothing personal dear.
It’s just that you’ve got brown hair.
And your eyes aren’t blue like the ones I usually drown in.
And when you laugh you make this funny face
Well it’s nice, I guess, but not like one that graces magazines.”

Well I know I’m no beauty queen

You seem so sure of what you want
A treasure for a prize so vainly fought
A blurring of your reasoning with the blinding of your eyes
Ba da ba ba ba
Well surprise, surprise

Oh, do I sound bitter?
Sorry so bitter
I’m sorry I’m not blonde
(But I could be with bottle dye)

I gave you the benefit of the doubt
Thought you were thinking it over
Thought you were waiting it out
Turns out you were just waiting to prove me wrong

I could have been the one to make you smile
I could have been the one to hold your heart a while
I could have been the one but you just let your chance slip by
Someday you’ll see me on the arm of a smarter guy
Don’t look now I’m coming
So just hold your head and cry
Ba da ba ba ba
Ba da ba ba ba
Ba da ba ba ba

Dear Naturally Cute Girls Who Have Grown Up With Pretty Privilege and Know How to Line Both of Their Eyelids and Whose Chipped Nail Polish Looks Quirky, Not Homeless, and Who Bring All the Boys to the Yard While My Milkshake Stand Descends Into Bankruptcy,

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:59:58 -0800

I wish I had your karma.

Sincerely,
Single in SoCal
aka Sydney J.

Dear Universe,

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:44:00 -0800

Really?

Really?

Glad I could still be a punchline to this joke. It never gets old.

Sincerely,
Sydney J.

So…that happened

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:37:10 -0800

So…that happened